Hugo Chavez goes from idealism and righteousness to supporting Hizbollah...

Now with Kung fu commie grip! At first I, like all people that hate on this great country with frequency, used to like Hugo Chavez. He was like your drunk uncle that always told it like it is, even though half your family was kicking him under the table. He called Bush an idiot, our foreign policy a joke, capitalism a farce. And for the most part I agreed. Now it appears he is putting salt in the collective communist game, to paraphrase that great socialist thinker Rappin 4-Tay.  It appears that a few Hizbollah-affiliated travel agencies have sprung up in Venezuela. Venezuelan officials have stated that "Hizbollah is a political party legally operating in Lebanon." Take that imperialists! Never mind that Hizbollah essentially invented suicide bombing. I hate on Republicans all the time, but the only thing they invented was homosexual sex scandals. So imagine how much I hate on Hizbollah! They also killed like eighty Jews in Argentina. Not Zionists, just regular Jews. If you wanna bust a cap on some fools who come into your home and shoot you, I encourage you to retaliate, and  perhaps even write a gangsta rap song about it. But eighty innocent Jews? That's like me kicking an old black dude in the face for the last Soulja Boy single. It's not his fault. he's just part of the same group. ( Unless of course, this old black dude is somehow related to Soulja Boy. In which case kick away.)  So in summary, Hugo Chavez, keep this is mind, the Nazi party was once a legal political party. And Nazism is not a good look bro.

Google News staff are a bunch of bleeding heart pussies.

Kids, guns, and puppies. Two of my favorite things, and kids.

If you have looked through Google News lately, as I often do while thinking of what to hate on, you may have noticed that aside from the regular channel tabs like "Sports" "World" and "Business" there are now tabs leading you to articles on "Burma (Myanamar)" and "China Earthquake". This is clearly a crock of shit. Not only does this make me sad for a split second, until my heart's superhumanly robust cooling mechanisms kick in, it also distracts me from the only channel I ever read, Sports. And why have it be labeled "Burma (Myanmar)"? It's Myanmar. The founding despotic fathers of Myanmar did not put their blood, sweat, and opium into unilaterally renaming the country just so that Google could undermine them and call the country what the majority of the democracy-loving population does.(Burma) To all you dictators in the world out there, I ain't mad at you over here at Joel Hates On Everything. Keep that hustle strong. If one of my homies had a personal country, I would be kicking it until the U.N. deposed my lazy ass.

I for one, do not hate a despotic dictator until they does something to me. I was even cool with Suharto, until he ordered a bunch of troops to open fire on protesters in East Timor. Years later while at a coffee shop I heard a white girl with dreadlocks recite some horribly melodramatic, contrived poem about the incident. I've hated Suharto ever since for making me listen to that.